Being part of an online community with Sir, most definitely called my own self image and self awareness into question over the years. Especially in the early days when I had a very low self esteem and was struggling to see myself the way Sir does.
There came a time (some years ago now) when Sir set me a task to fulfil over my webcam, live to the whomever the audience was at the time. Without Sir online or present!!
This had me filled with dread, doubt and a whole host of other negative emotions. Not to mention the many questions flying round my head just prior to the task in hand, for example;
What if I can’t fulfil Sir’s task?
What if they start making comment or asking questions, perhaps even try to direct/instruct me?
However, the time came for me to login and set about my task, which proved to be more a personal challenge with hindsight. I had never been fully naked on cam without Sir’s watchful eyes over me and I was so nervous I was shaking as I set up the webcams and the room I was to be in. Greeted the community as I usually would and then without saying what I had been tasked to do, found myself just doing as Sir had tasked me to do. Without much of a second thought at the reactions at the time. I could see my webcam was unusually popular and caught a glimpse of some of the comments and even instructions from the wishful few, but it made no difference. I was focused and grounded in my mindset to fulfil the task that Sir had set me and realised very soon after completion that it made me understand the purpose behind it…. It was not to wind to the community, although it did. It was more about my realising how I am seen and perceived by others and more importantly how it changed how I should see myself.
Granted, there were more than a few ravenous, crass and lustful comments. There were also comments of appreciation and of a respectful nature. However, at the time prior to Sir setting the task, I had not realised that it was not just my mind and personality that was attractive.
Regardless how the general community saw me at the time, I came away from the task realising that I am in fact a woman of intelligence, consideration, caring by nature with a cheeky sassy side and one of physical femininity, sexuality and form that should be embraced by myself. Not to be hidden away or scared to show. To be respected for all the effort I put in, especially after I worked so damned hard to regain my figure. As well as to find a confidence within myself that for all the lusting after, the once upon a time abusing of me, I am who I am by choices and decisions that I made along the way.
I am a submissive to my Sir, a mother to my children and absolutely a sexy woman who knows what she wants and needs to be true to myself.
To recognise that I am not only attractive to myself as well as lusted over by others was an interesting lesson. It made me realise that it’s actually absolutely okay to enjoy myself, to appreciate myself and to not be ashamed of being the sexual, sensual and somewhat attractive woman that I am.
The outcome of the task was very humbling and I extend thanks to my Sir for enabling me to see myself for who I am, both inside and out xxxx Thank You Sir xxxx
To this day, I still have moments of self doubt and am conscious of my appearance. However, the one thing I hold on to is that of taking care of myself and my appearance with pride. Not boastfully, but humbly. If there is something I am not fully happy with, like gaining a few lbs in lockdown, then I will work to change that… For me. After all, a happy self makes for an even happier Sir and submissive 😉